People of multi-ethnic origin in many cases have been faced with just as much racial bigotry as most people with two black parents. This is especially true if their skin tone happens to be of a lighter shade. Listen to many of these multi-ethnic people and they will tell you that at some point in their childhood, they had to make the decision of what race they would embrace as their “true identity”. For the ones that choose to be considered “black” the question then arises weather or not the perceptions of the black community has anything to do with their choice. The same applies if this person chooses to identify themselves as white. Of course, the choice of what ethnicity this person will embrace is virtually eliminated if their skin tone is of a darker shade.
The real hypocrisy behind this perception by many in the black community is that many black Americans are not full-blooded Africans themselves. In fact, one would be very hard-pressed to find one black American that has a consistent 100% African bloodline. History proves the fact that a good percentage of us have either white or Native American blood flowing through our veins. The Native American part I think most of us can deal with, but when you mention “white”, the doubts and regrets begin to surface in our minds. It is true that white slave owners did in fact rape some of their women slaves, but this was not always the case. There are many stories throughout history where these two groups were brought together through love on many occasions (despite the fact society did not accept these types of unions).
Regardless if it was rape or love, we as black Americans are all the end result of multi-ethnic unions. This is why the whole argument that blacks should not marry any other race for preservation sake is ridiculous. Today, we are faced with the choice to either deny our “full” history, or embrace it and learn from it.
As for me personally, I am married to a very beautiful and wonderful black woman with whom I have absolutely no regrets on marrying. In case you are wondering, I do not fantasize on being with any other woman except the one that I am married to. This may seem hard to believe for some, but it is very true.
I have met many brothas who have chosen differently in who they married (not too many cases the other way around, although they do exist) who could tell you story after story of friends and family members who have virtually disowned them because they feel that they for some reason have betrayed the black race.
Patti Hairston, 44, elementary school teacher, gives us an example of this “assumed” self-hate one must have to consider someone of another race:
I see my brothers on a daily basis taking so much pride in spending time with their mixed kids in the mall, in the park or just taking their kids shopping, and I often I wonder if this brother has any black kids who would love that same kind of attention or, better yet, just would love to be able to be in the presence of their daddy. When I see a brother with a nonblack woman he seems to be so proud to have her on his arm; I always pray that he’s with her because he loves her, not because she’s not black. For the black men who date white women exclusively, I realize there is a self-hatred going on. (…more)
(please note: There are many black men that share this same opinion just as Patti. This was just an example I found online)
The worst thing about all of this is that many of the children (to some degree) of these interracial relationships are made to feel “less-than” by both sides of their ethnic make-up.This is why as I mentioned earlier, many of them are forced by society to make the awful choice of what race they will identify with the most.
In the end, it is the responsibility of the parents to instill in their children the value of being made up of different races. Society will always look at the color of the skin, however, we begin to cross the line of destructive silliness when we make these individuals “choose a side.”
I can relate to this article. I am a “product” of a 40-year multi-racial marriage. My father is African-American and my mother is Japanese. I grew up having to fight other black kids because I was Japanese, Japanese kids because I was black, and white kids, well just because. I was told repeatedly to my face, “Your not black!” and just had to deal with it through adolescence. I tried to date sistas, but I wasn’t “cool enough”. I was a shy, athletic, nerdy type of guy who was into jazz and cruising. Sistas just didn’t want to be with me.
I eventually joined the military and had relationships with African-American women, but they never turned out to be anything serious. We were just too young, had no desire on settling down, and probably just a bit too wild. In fact, I dated any type of woman, it didn’t matter - I just wanted a woman! In my mid-twenties, I started to become tired of the club scene and focused on finding someone my parents would like. Of course, my first choice was a beautiful sista to whom I was greatly interested. My downfall? I wasn’t “hip” enough; further, I wasn’t “black enoughâ€Â. The cycle began to repeat itself. Unfortunately it did not work and I was kicked to the curb. I tried a few other times focusing on a woman like my sister – strong, smart, level headed, and compassionate. I wasn’t focused too much on wealth or material issues; I just wanted a woman who would help me raise a family together.
Eventually, my scope expanded, my attitude changed, and I began to include women who also resembled my mother. I finally married a Japanese woman, not because whatever stereotypes, but because she reminded me of home, carried all the family qualities I desired, and just hit it off. I am absolutely positive there are plenty of beautiful black women I could have married, but our paths did not cross. I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to meet my wife now. Yes, I do enjoy doing things in with my “mixed kids” not because I feel they are different in any way, it is because I love them. They are my ONLY children and I am their father. There should never be something wrong with that.
I love my father; he is a strong, positive black man who raised me to be just as strong and positive – in which he succeeded; and it is my goal to live my life in honor of my mentor - regardless of my being mixed. At the same time, I am extremely thankful to my mother who taught me her culture, her religion, and how to be a compassionate man. Both parents showed me how to make it work without having to give up too much of your spirit or your soul. They loved each other 40 years ago, and still love each other today. That is my desire, my game plan, and my goal. Love has everything to do with it.
Is it difficult being mixed? Yes, most definitely. Am I happy to be a African American? Of course I do, I would never trade it for the world. Bottom line - I respect and cherish both ethnicities and will be happy regardless of the thoughts of others…and I will teach my three boys the same way.